Jessika (face_it_ur_fat) wrote in eds_hurt_others,
Jessika
face_it_ur_fat
eds_hurt_others

my fast has been once again fucked up becuase of my mother. i'm running out of excuses to use on her. this fucking bites. she thought i was depressed so she made me pizza and an icecream cone. i felt bad so i ate a slice and half the cone. i wanted to puke, but she was cleaning the bathroom. i think life is out to get me. and i am going to be depressed if i dont lose 20 pounds by august 31st. i figure instead of startign another fast right away i'll restrict to under 400 and on monday i'll start a new 5 day fast. aug 31st is the first day at school, and its another new school. i want to look amazing. not for the boys, cuz im happily married, but for myself. i could care less what other people think, but if im not happy with myself i know i get completely introverted and i shut people out. and i dont want to do that. i've come to the realization that i cant be on a fast when i see my husband becuase it hurts him too much to see me like that,and i dont want him to have to. i love him so much and he is the only person that has ever made me feel beautiful, and i want to respect how he feels. so im trying really hard to eat healthy around him, instead of just not eating, wish me luck girls, im gunna need it. anyone have any advice?


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